Friday, April 27, 2012

Manswers: Why guys should get greyhounds.

Warning:  All though the following statements are pretty true, they are assembled in a specific crass format designed to emulate the TV show MANSWERS.  Some, if not most, may be offended.

  1.  BRAGGING RIGHTS:  Who knows why, but men like to think their dogs are tough.  The truth is however, that anyone with an ounce of moral fiber would hate for their dog to ever have to prove it.   Who wants to go to court because your dog got in a big fight with another dog?  Now greyhounds aren’t exactly known for being tough. They are known for being fast, athletic, and muscular.  They are elite athletes.  The slowest greyhound is faster than almost any other dog out there.  Plus you know what you are getting before you get it.  The bragging can begin immediately.  Unlike kids, where to live vicariously through them you have to wait 15 to 20 years to see if they amount to anything, a greyhound has already established his record by the time you get him. Let the vicarious living begin.   If you do want a slightly tougher looking dog go for a black or a dark brindle greyhound.  They are just the same as the other greyhounds but less likely to be confused with a deer.
  2. THEY AIN’T SMALL: There are lots of nice small dogs out there, but let’s face it, small dogs are for PURSES.   Guys like BIG dogs.  When you go walking up the street do you want an 11 lb ankle biting Chihuahua hanging on the end of a string, or do you want an 85lb Greyhound that you don’t have to bend over to pet.  Most other larger breeds have short lifespans and problems with hip dysplasia.  But greyhounds are breed for athleticism so no hip worries, plus they live usually from 12-14 years old.
  3.  HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY:  When you get home from a hard day of work, your boss has been riding you all day nothing cheers you up like a big old happy boy who wants nothing more from you than a bit of food, a chance to relieve himself, and to hang out with you for the evening.
  4.  LAID BACK NOT YAPPY: Picture yourself, beer in hand, sitting down to watch the big game or the next big UFC fight.  Do you A) Want a little yappy dog that will not shutup and let you focus on the event, or B) want a BIG greyhound that’s content to sit on the couch beside you while you guzzle chips and beer and cheer for your favorite team.
  5. CHICKS DIG GREYHOUNDS:  When you walk around with greyhounds people come to you like magnets.  When chicks meet greyhounds they immediately fall in love with them.  You are an instant hero because your rescued them from “Untold horrors”.  It doesn’t really matter that they are actually typically well treated while racing. You can tell the woman that … LATER.

Warnings and Disclaimers:  Greyhounds are addictive.   When you get one you will often find yourself with two or three within one years’ time.  Greyhounds are buddies for life.  It is seriously UNCOOL to return a greyhound just because you met a new lady with a hamster who can’t live in the same house as your dog.  Never let a woman come between you and your dog.  If in the future life lets you have kids, find a way to MAKE IT WORK WITH THE DOG.  After all, with your charming personality, you probably wouldn’t even have been able to get the girl if not for your lovable pooch.  People who have returned greyhounds to adoption groups have been known to be spontaneously bagged and pantsed in public by a team of little old ladys.


houndstooth said...

Ha ha ha! I have never seen Mansers, but your post absolutely cracked me up! Who wants a dog peeing in their purse, anyway? I love it!

jcp said...

Thanks... I've been told this post would have worked better if it wasn't followed by one with dogs wearing party hats. LOL

Maeflower said...

That sounds like I posted it....well except for the "chick magnet" part! I agree with all of the points. I don't like yappy and when I pet my dog, I don't want him to go flying across the room because the pat was a little too rough for his 2 pound frame!! I want to play tug and have to really pull to win....rather than "slingshot" my pup into orbit! YAY FOR BIG DOGS!!

Anonymous said...


Great site! I'm trying to find an email address to contact you on to ask if you would please consider adding a link to my website. I'd really appreciate if you could email me back.

Thanks and have a great day!

jcp said...

Randy.. I might.. but your profile isn't very forthcoming and is very new. If you let me know your website by comment.. or link it to your own profile, then I will check it out and consider linking to it.

Hiking Hounds said...

LOL! That's great! Maybe you can submit this to Manswers?

I got the same message from 'Randy". I think it's spam.

jcp said...

@Hiking Hounds.. heh.. ya I figured as much about Randy.. still you have to maintain a sliver of hope that someone notices your blog and will pay you millions of dollars to endorse it.... ok perhaps not.

Kristin G. said...

Chicks DO love greyhounds. I'll vouch for that!

Greyhounds CAN Sit said...

Lol, this is funny:) I have no idea what Manswers is, a US TV show I'm guessing. Bet it's not as good as this post!